women doing it for themselves

One of the legacies of Apartheid is the decay of the African family.

The separation of men from their families seems to have created a culture of imbalance between the sexes that is only exacerbated by its patriachial heritage. It is a shocking reality of the country that women and children are in danger from the male figures most often in their immediate environment, the home. In such a context it is reassuring that the constitution is a very progressive one that enshrines the rights of all irrespective of race, religion or sex. Arguably the implementation of the constitution is still very lacking but the principles are aspirational and hopefully with the necessary promotion of those rights society can begin to assimilate those grand ideas into a way of life.

Maya Angelou. Source Getty Images

In the meantime we are confronted with the present social dynamics. One facet of these is the absentee father. It is not surprising to go to a party and end up in a group conversation that turns to the lack of father-figures or male role models. Many children grow up in female dominated households where men are absent or ineffectual presences. I have often heard as a result the great fallacy that men are not required at all in a family! The fact that many women are increasingly economically independent coupled with advances in science such as artificial insemination or even the progressive adoption policies in the country, lead many to speak of creating families without the requirement of men.

I can completely understand the scenarios that lead to such thinking but when I read an article in a mainstream newspaper the other day saying just such a thing I was terribly disappointed. My first impression was that this writer must be a very young person, probably without a child of her own. Upon reflection I realise that she may not be, haven’t I heard my own girlfriends saying such things?

In the chicken family there is usually one male and several wives/children. It has been noted that in families without a male, one of the females will often take on the characteristics of a rooster such as crowing or even sometimes actually manifesting physical characteristics such as a crown. Why have I gone off on such a tangent you may be wondering? Well it is because I believe that the problems in South Africa are not going to be remedied by the perpetuation of the absent father model, but by the greater role of positive male role models. There is an inherent need for a balance of male and female energies in society and to believe that one can totally provide for the lack of the other is absolutely delusional.

It may be idyllic to always have a husband-and-wife based family, or not even possible in gay couples but I believe the only way to remedy this tradition of separation is by reintroducing the male role model. This problem by the way is also found in the African-American population and was recently addressed in a Father’s Day speech by President Obama. I would hazard a guess that it’s not just a “black” problem but shared by all people who have had the same generation of artificial separation. To all who disagree, I leave you with a quote from a favourite author of mine, Maya Angelou, who says “We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders”.

sports mad

A plastic vuvuzela

“You go bafana bafana. Proudly SA!!”

That is today’s quote from a friend after the SA football team, proudly called Bafana Bafana, stormed to a 2-0 win against New Zealand.

This Thursday will see the Proteas vying for their place in the finals of the T20 final in England.

And this weekend will be the first match of the Springboks against the British and Irish Lions that are currently touring the country.

For a country that is as sport-mad as SA, this is heaven. For an individual like me who is a sport-agnostic, I feel like an atheist amongst the newly converted. The Confederations Cup is an opportunity for the country to prepare all the logistics for the big event, The World Cup, next year. Similarly I feel that I am also being put to the test. Will my loyalty to the country have me joining in the festivities? Will I finally fall in love with the vuvuzela? Will I ever be able to name the members of the team?

These are profound questions. You may be reading this with a mixture of incredulity and disgust. I’ve sensed this before when I’ve let slip my equal ignorance of the automobile. This time though, we are in the realm were sex, race and most other -isms can be left at the door. The church of sport allows all through it’s doors!! When I marvelled to Silkie just now how ‘we’ could be so happy for beating a team most people didn’t even know play football, she snapped back at me, “Doesn’t matter man… at least we won!!” Her venom has me wondering whether I should click on the “Publish” button.

tricks

Inauguration pic taken from the BBC

After advising many on the tricks to getting their blog up and running, it looks like I’m going to have to go and read all those emails. Stamina and focus…. Will I manage? After watching our Presedential Inauguration, the one thing I took away from the drone of long winded speeches is that stamina can lead ultimately to success. Our new President Zuma, like him or not, has shown how through dogged determination no obstacle is insurmountable.

On top of all of that, I am most inspired by  his unabashed promotion of his polygamous ways. Having several wives myself, it’s good to draw from such a fine example of matrimonial success.

It’s been a blast, but I should save some gunpowder for tomorrow. Scrabulous awaits!!