soap box

I have returned from my sabbatical.

After my diatribe against the hollowness, the abyss at the bottom of the shopping bag, I stepped off my soap box, preened my feathers and left. I don’t think anyone heard me, the “Sales” are on you see. As destination I chose a little-known retreat in the heart of my suburb. Bliss.

Before

It’s called a silent retreat. That means that for 2 hrs in the morning you are allowed to speak and the rest of the day is bathed in silence. If such a restriction is too terribly frightening to imagine, I have to admit it was even more so to do. I’m so used to walking around the garden, singing my favourite song, chasing after Hope, chatting to the girls and all manner of sociable activity.

At first you forget and find yourself about to open your mouth, sometimes the first words even dribble out before you catch yourself and stuff them back. They clamour in your head, with nowhere to go. What do you do with yourself all this time? Well, the centre specialises in pranayama and meditation. It’s the only other time when there is speech. That comes from the facilitator, they don’t seem to like the term monks. In the softest, glowing voice, spiced with mirthfulness they guide us for an hour in the morning, afternoon and the evening. The only condition is that you must remain for the first 15 minutes of every session and you must not use them to catch a nap. If then, the agitation becomes too much to bare, you can quietly leave the hall or even lie down.

After

The rest of the time you are free to read, roam the grounds and help around the centre. There is a library with mainly spiritually minded literature but there is nothing to stop you from bringing your own thriller if you so please. My duties were based in the garden. I weed, water, dig… you know, the general vegetable gardening stuff. My efforts go into the kitchen where those more adept concoct culinary marvels without the slaughtering of animals.

Over the course of the 2 and a bit weeks I was surprised to find that I slotted into the routine and my full head of thoughts became quieter as the importance of have-to-do’s fell into perspective. I missed the girls and my home routine but to be able to immerse myself in simpleness of thought, of nature and brea(d)th is a priceless cleansing. As spring comes into being, the natural beginning of the year, I hope to be able to call on this well of stillness and to make it my refuge.