50%

Not 50 percents. I can’t stand the guy, why do people like this slurring misogynist? Yup, the beat, the beat… Talib and KRS already covered this one.

Moving right along. 2/4 equals 50%, that is the number of the boys left. Yes! I am pumping my fists like Jomo Sono cheering Bafana Bafana* during better days. The human ran around and

Not quite as good as the video. Thanks SABC

around and around… with a net and some other pole device and actually managed to catch two of them. They flew straight into his net. Geez… some chickens just give us a bad name. I had mixed feelings about this. They are my offspring after all but just as the sorrow settled upon me, the 2 remaining boys tried to pounce some of the girls. I jumped into action to scatter their horny asses back into the shadowy depths of the garden. Now I must send some mind waves to keep the human going. They suffer major trauma after such events and usually slacken off. This cannot be allowed. There can be only one! Moi.

Anyway. Part of my mind wave coercion technique uses subliminal imagery. I am not very familiar with chicken recipes so I need your help.  Please send me some of your favourite, mouth-watering dishes. And stop looking at me like that!!

*Did you note my tip of the hat to the 2010 World Cup rip-off? We are drowning in too much patrioticity to quite realise how much FIFA is taking us for a ride. But that is a rant for another time.

hangover omelette

Licking my lips and glowing with satisfaction.

In a moment of inspired brilliance, I remembered an age old recipe that has saved me from many a hung-over day. I thought I’d share… sharing is caring. Mbaaa!! (that’s the sound of a big smooch). You may notice that I don’t specify quantities but that’s because that is where the improvisation aspect of this recipe kicks in. For example on this particular day I relented to my salt craving and was pretty liberal in that department… go ahead and play!! As we proceed, imagine that I’m a young Englishman with a subtle lisp and a nack for making English life appear continental.

Ingredients

Eggs

Tomato slices

Mango Atchar

Black pepper

Sea salt/Herb salt

Malay curry blend

Emmental cheese

Chillies

Garlic

Baking powder

Steps

1. Mix the eggs, baking powder, garlic salt and spices together and whisk vigorously. This may hurt if you are hung over but persevere, it’s all worth it at the end. The baking powder is my not-so- secret ingredient because it introduces a lightness to the omelette that is sophistication manifest. Can somebody tell me how you get free range eggs in winter? I spend my days with the girls and in winter they stop laying. I would consider we live a “free range” lifestyle so how come you get free range eggs in shops in winter? Something doesn’t add up.
2. Pour the mixture into your pre-heated frying pan. As with all the ingredients here, the amount of oil in the pan depends entirely on  its efficacy in removing the banging sounds in your head.
3. Cook on a medium heat. Haste is waste and you really don’t want to do this all over again.
4. When the bottom is looking pretty firm add the atchar, tomato and cheese.
5. Let the cheese melt. Now you can fold the egg and serve. Be careful, this is the stage where impatience can ruin all your hard work. I sometimes leave it open when the golden colours of the omelette are too beautiful not to display.

Injoy, the end of that toxic feeling is nigh.